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Russell Degnan

Man: You sit here, dear.

Wife: All right.

Man: Morning!

Fed. Govt.: Morning!

Man: Well, what've you got?

Fed. Govt.: Well, there's ports and freight rail; ports rural railways and freight rail; ports and roads; ports freight rail and roads; ports freight rail rural railways and roads; roads freight rail rural railways and roads; roads ports roads roads freight rail and roads; roads rural railways roads roads freight rail roads fast trains and roads;

RACV: roads roads roads roads...

Fed. Govt.: ...roads roads roads ports and roads; roads roads roads roads roads roads urban railways roads roads roads...

RACV: roads! Lovely roads! Lovely roads!

Fed. Govt.: ...or an integrated management of urban and rural transport infrastructure backed with a user-pays market system to avoid inappropriate distortions and with a port on top and roads.

Wife: Have you got anything without roads?

Fed. Govt.: Well, there's roads ports rural railways and roads, that's not got much roads in it.

Wife: I don't want ANY roads!

Man: Why can't she have ports freight rail roads and rural railways?

Wife: THAT'S got roads in it!

Man: Hasn't got as much roads in it as roads ports rural railways and roads, has it?

RACV: roads roads roads roads... (Crescendo through next few lines...)

Wife: Could you do the ports freight rail roads and rural railways without the roads then?

Fed. Govt.: Urgghh!

Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like roads!

RACV: Lovely roads! Wonderful roads!

Fed. Govt.: Shut up!

RACV: Lovely roads! Wonderful roads!

Fed. Govt.: Shut up! (RACV stop) Bloody RACV! You can't have ports freight rail roads and rural railways without the roads.

Wife: I don't like roads!

Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your roads. I love it. I'm having roads roads roads roads roads roads roads urban railways roads roads roads and roads!

RACV: roads roads roads roads. Lovely roads! Wonderful roads!

Fed. Govt.: Shut up!! urban railways are off.

Man: Well could I have her roads instead of the urban railways then?

Fed. Govt.: You mean roads roads roads roads roads roads... (but it is too late and the RACV drown her words)

RACV: (Singing elaborately...) roads roads roads roads. Lovely roads! Wonderful roads! roads roa-a-a-a-a-ads roads roa-a-a-a-a-ads roads. Lovely roads! Lovely roads! Lovely roads! Lovely roads! Lovely roads! roads roads roads roads!


With apologies to Monty Python

Sterner Matters 9th June, 2004 13:44:40   [#] 

Comments

Dirt moving...
But Russ, where was the "integrated management of urban and rural transport infrastructure backed with a user-pays market system to avoid inappropriate distortions and with a port on top and roads"? When I looked at the menu, it looked more like "roads roads and outer-suburban and inner-rural marginal seat half-built freeways on the never-never with extra political expediancy and roads" to me.
Rob Merkel  9th June, 2004 17:25:47  

I wish
A market-based approach is a pipe-dream; like "Lobster Thermidor a Crevette". But it has a significant freight rail component ($1.8 billion out of $11.8 billion - albeit with $872 million already announced).

The article even has some wonderfully disingenuous comments by John Anderson:

"That's why ... real emphasis needs to go on restoring rail on this corridor (Melbourne to Brisbane)," he said."

"It's so that we don't simply find that all we're doing is upgrading these highways to tread water."

"It's so that we don't simply find that all we're doing is upgrading these highways to tread water."

Is this an admission that "induced demand" is a problem? A problem they don't know how to solve obviously, but it's a start.
Russ  9th June, 2004 18:35:42